So, if you are a book reviewer anywhere on the web, you might have come across stories about how terrible we all are. We’re too nice, or conversely, too mean. No one can seem to make up their minds about that. And then, my people, this New York Times article about fake reviews was tweeted around like a hot potato yesterday.
Turns out, I’ve been reading and reviewing books like a sucker. I’ve been doing it for nothing when I could be making $99 a pop and I don’t even have to read the book. Why aren’t I doing this? And why aren’t you? Think of the monies we could be making! Sweet!
“But Chris,” you say, “creating fake reviews sounds like work and I don’t like to work. What can I do to make this easier and still make boatloads of money?” Don’t fret, my lazy friend. I have the solution.
Behold! The Fake Review-inator ™! Just plunk in the appropriate words in place of the capitalized prompts and Voila! a review is written. No more hurting your brain with the thinking the thinky thoughts. And remember to keep it positive. Authors want butterflies and glitter associated with their book.
BOOK TITLE by AUTHOR’S NAME is ADJECTIVE. I was VERB by HIS/HER excellent prose. The characters are ADJECTIVE and the plot was ANOTHER ADJECTIVE. I couldn’t put it down. I stayed up late into the night to finish BOOK TITLE. The ending made me A POSITIVE EMOTION. I am going to recommend it to all my friends. I will be reading more from AUTHOR’S NAME.
The Maniac by Charles Turducken is fabulous. I was hooked by his excellent prose. The characters are darling and the plot exciting. I couldn’t put it down. I stayed up late into the night to finish The Maniac. The ending made me happy. I am going to recommend it to all my friends. I will be reading more from Charles Turducken.
Bam! 99 dollars. It’s just that easy! So what you are going to do with all that sweet cash? Buy a boat, perhaps?